Thursday, October 7, 2010

Shoot him in the @ss! DUH

Kenneth Bonds, 45, is not a big fan of the pants on the ground look, a fashion statement born from a conspiracy between wanna-be teenage hard-asses the American underwear industry. So when he saw two kids working the look in his neighborhood, he decided to do something...

The boys, ages 16 and 17, were on their way to a candy store in Whitehaven, Tennessee. That's when Bonds decided to yell at them to pull their pants up because, well, they looked like assholes. He was only trying to prevent their further assholism.

But as soon as they got a safe enough distance away, the kids called Bonds a "fat ass" and told him to shut up, though we're guessing they used more colorful diction than that. 

If you've ever been mouthed at by a junior tough guy, perhaps you realize how infuriating this can be. There's something about a would-be bad-ass that brings out the dragon in grown men. And this is where Bond got just a little bit out of control. 

The boys passed his house again on their way home from the store. But instead of cuffing them around to let them know they're pussies, Bond went with the nuclear option. He emerged from his home with a gun and shot the 17-year-old in the ass. 

Apparently this is a technique often used in the fashion world to express displeasure at the look someone's rocking. I believe it was first invented by Tim Gund in an early season of Project Runway.

The bullet went through the kid's butt and out his thigh. He was taken to a hospital and is expected to completely recover. Something tells us he also may reexamine his accessorizing to the tough guy look. 

Bonds, meanwhile, has admitted to the shooting. But his lawyers are expected to mount an aesthetic defense, claiming the boys were knowingly inciting any 45-year-old man by working a look that moronic.